I want to go back to Mother’s womb.
I want to be connected to the life source She provides and get everything I need for survival from Her.
My breath, my nourishment, my safety.
I want to curl into a ball and feel weightless in Her living waters and know that I am safe even though it is dark.
I want to stay there forever; where it is warm and safe and complete.
But I grow. Things get cramped and uncomfortable. I feel stressed.
I can’t move
I can’t breathe
I can’t grow anymore.
Something inside me knows I must leave in order to survive.
I must leave the safe place.
The place where I have everything I need.
The waters break and the heaviness sets in.
There is light, but it doesn’t feel as safe as the dark did.
I cry. I gasp. I wonder why this violent expulsion was my only option.
Suddenly, in the chaos I realize my life source is gone.
It has been severed.
I am on my own. Without Her.
I don’t have everything I need anymore.
I am cold and hungry and lost.
Where is my Mother?
I take a breath and realize I am in the arms of another. I can see Mother in her eyes but it’s not quite the same.
I can see in her eyes that she misses Mother too.
But here we are.
She feeds me and holds me and I feel warm and safe and content.
Still. I know as soon as I am able I will go
And find my Mother.
She has everything I need.