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Where is She?

“Where Is She?”
A very rough draft 

I sit quietly, dressed in white,
Sitting near those who look like me–
Those who look like Her,
Across from those who look like Him. 

I gaze up in quiet wonder,
Wondering where She might be. I
see Him. I see three which are he.
But where is She? 

Again, I see the creation of the world
Shown to be created by three who are he,
Directed by Him, named Elohim. But Isn’t
Elohim They? 

Is it He and She? 

Again, where is She? 

Finally, I see the first daughter,
The first woman
Who looks like me.
And she must look like Her,
Mother of all living,
More precious than rubies,
Wisdom personified.
But, she only comes after Adam.
Said to be made from his rib for him,
For his companionship.
She, made by two that are he, for him. 

Again, where is She?
How can He form a she without Her?
He can’t. Not alone. Not without Her.
Why don’t they show Her?
I know She’s there.
They’ve said so elsewhere
And I’ve felt Her.
I quietly cry,
Saddened by the missing half of Heaven.
How can I know me without knowing She?
How can I better know Him without knowing Her?
“It is the first principle of the Gospel
To know for a certainty the character of God.”
Is this not declared by a prophet of God?
How can we create Zion without knowing Her,
The missing half of Heaven,
The missing half of God?
How can we move forward and help establish Zion
When there is such an imbalance in gender equality and divinity?
It cannot be done without Her. 

Perhaps, we need Her divine, fierce motherly love for all God’s children.
Maybe when we open our hearts to Her, Him, their Son, and all their children
–Love ALL of their children–
Maybe then the establishment of Zion will complete. 

Most, even Christ’s church and its leaders, refer to God as He, God being
supreme. If God is he, and He is supreme, what does that say about me, who is
she? We are told to become like God, like Him.
How can I fully become like Him when I am she?
Sure, I can be much like my Father.
But must I lose what is feminine to become like God?
Am I less than because I am she?
No. That does not sit well with me.
Nor could it sit well with my Father or the Son if there’s a
Mother. If there’s a Father and a Son, surely there is a Mother.
And I can’t fathom a divine Mother desirous to be kept from Her children.
She wouldn’t have it and woe to whoever stands in Her way.
Our Doctrine teaches we have a Mother there.
And She is Almighty God just as much as He,
Stated previously by our very own Church leaders.
So, let’s articulate God more properly
So that we can become like Them
in any way that fits us individually.
Leaders claim we, as she, are not less than they,
That are he.
But when we omit She,
We are saying,
She is less important than He.
And it becomes the practice. 

It makes sense, as the church was restored
During a patriarchal and racist society.
Women and people of color had no voice then.
Women couldn’t even vote until 1920.
And people of color weren’t given rights until 1964
And we’ve come a long way since then.
There’s still much improvement needed in both areas. 

However, the very structure of the Church
Is still composed of that patriarchal system
And the culture reluctant to open and expand to others.
Each year, we see good improvements
(Sincerely, I thank you, President Nelson).
I know changes in culture move quite slow
But they must continue
And I feel the recognition of She is a necessary step. 

So, I ask you, Where is She?
Where is our Mother?
I see the tree of knowledge, of Wisdom.
I see the tree of Life. 

Asherah, The Grove, Mother Earth, Wisdom, Mother in Heaven, God, the Mother. 

They represent Her and, in Eve’s wisdom, she sees it.
She knows they must partake
Of the forbidden fruit to grow,
To become like She and He. 

“Where is She”, I cry again.
This time, audibly sobbing on a white sofa
In a white sacred room,
Symbolic of Heaven.
She must be here if not anywhere. 

I look up and see my face in a large, elegant mirror.
I see me.
She lives in me.
In my reflection.
I look around the room.
I see Her in each man and woman here. 

I wipe my tears and venture outside.
I feel the gentle caress of the breeze in my
hair, Bringing with it a fresh floral scent,
The warmth of the sun on my cheeks.
I taste the salt from the remnants of tears.
I hear the chorus of songbirds in the trees. 

The trees.
She is in life. She is here. She is everywhere like Him.
With Him, Side-By-Side,
In scripture, though obscured.
In service, art, science, scholarship, and prayer.
In every struggle, mistake, and
accomplishment. In laughter, joy, anger, trauma,
and grief. In uncertainty and discomfort.
In knowledge, growth, and safety.
In darkness and in light.
In my children.
In Jesus Christ, through Christ.
In love.
They are in everything.
And They are here for each of us as we seek truth
In our own ways.
We must continue to seek Them, to seek truth,
As a Church and as individuals. 

With this recognition of an Almighty Mother God,
Being more than a mother to spirit children,
Being A Creator, A Planner, A Leader, A Healer
An equal to the Father,
A holder of great power,
The church and its culture will grow.
Practices will change.
Then, maybe true gender equality achieved,
And more love, inclusion, and acceptance of ALL,
Especially the marginalized groups.
Following, we can better further and increase
Their work done on the Earth
To establish Zion. 

I will seek, I will find, and I will partake of the good fruit that is
love, The true essence of Their gospel, The Gospel of Jesus Christ,
And I will share its goodness with all
with gladness in my heart
Because I am called of She and He
To help uplift the hearts of my sisters and brothers,
Especially my sisters.

by Angela Beus 

A girl with big brown curls holds a magnifying glass up to one eye. She squints to look through it towards the camera.